I sent a polite email to Jian Ghomeshi, host of Q and former member of Moxy Fruvous, with a link to this parody of their song "King of Spain". No reply.

Note that "Great Atomic Power" is Dave from Moxy Fruvous's new band.

I phoned this in to Talkback as a commentary on the bizarre results of CBC's "Seven Wonders of Canada" campaign:

Sun's up ... over Thunder Bay.
I'm looking at the Giant and he's looking great today,
But I'm thinkin' 'bout the CBC.
Some kind a mystery's got a hold on me.

We had a dream and now we're kinda sore,
Just like the Senators, lookin' at the final score,
But our voting blew them all away.
Some kind a mystery's got a hold on me.

And I wonder what we voted for.
Wonder what we voted for.
I wonder what we voted for.
Wonder what we voted for.
I wonder what we voted for.
Wonder what we voted for.
I wonder what we voted for.

Feb. 17, 2007:

My entry was
I hears all the clues and I thinks,
"That creature eats rabbits and minks."
So I google the name
From the basketball game
And the answer I find is the Sphinx.

Then I added "I mean, the lynx" because I didn't want to miss out on winning the beautiful prize of a CBC Radio Three shirt, featuring a Squirrel Moose..

They aired my parody of Meredith Willson's "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Easter" which I had sung into the voice mail:

It's beginning to look a lot like Easter everywhere you go.
It's December the 24th and we're living in the North,
But we're playing in the slush instead of snow.

It's beginning to look a lot like Easter: rain falling from the sky.
It's warm enough to walk, but we drive around the block,
And we wonder why.

The air will be hotter, our sons and our daughters
Will wilt under the glow.
The icecaps'll shrink and we'll be in the drink
And we'll have to learn to row
And Doctor David Suzuki can say I told you so.

It's beginning to look a lot like Easter, not Christmas anymore.
The final catastrophe that we might have to see,
Says Al Gore,
Is the rising of the sea, inconveniently,
Up to your front door.

Dec. 15, 2005:

To the "O Christmas Tree"

Judge Gomery. Judge Gomery.
They've told so many fibs to me.
Judge Gomery. Judge Gomery.
They spent our money -- liberally.
We want a change this election, but
We don't trust Harper's haircut.
So Gomery. Judge Gomery.
We'll re-elect them. Just wait and see.

(I was wrong.)

This little ditty of mine was played on local CBC-1 (The Great Northwest) and on The Roundup (National) once the labour lockout was over:

Welcome back to your radio station,
After your little, unrequested vacation.
It was strange when you were gone:
Radio Two on Radio One.

They'd play a song when they'd nothing to say,
But finally Cockburn got lots of airplay.
It was strange when you were gone:
The sudden return of Bill Richardson.

Welcome back to the air.
We want you to know that yes we care,
And we're glad that the managers are gone,
Just in time for Ron and Don!

Apr. 22, 2004:

To the tune of Kenneth Alford's "Colonel Bogey's March"

The answer is a wolverine.
This weasel can get really mean.
So, if you sight it, do not fight it,
Or you'll get smited and bited.
Oh yeah!

Mar. 25, 2004:

The quotation was "A woman's place is in the House and that's where she should go just after she leaves the office."

To the tune of Buddy Holly's "Maybe Baby"

Hellooooh, baby!

Maybe baby, I'll be blue.
Maybe baby. That's a clue.
Maybe baby, the answer is John Crosbie.

It's funny, honey, I'd waste a song.
I'd bet money that answer is wrong.
Sheila Copps, she's the answer for me.

Sheila is in de House ... for now.

The quotation was "When you're a short actor, you stand on apple boxes, you walk on a ramp. When you're a short star, everybody else walks in a ditch."

To the tune of Billy Vera and the Beaters'"At This Moment"

What do you think I would say at this moment
To win myself a special CBC prize?
He's stands on a box.
He's Michael J. Fox.
The big(?) star of "Family Ties".

The quotation was (as I recall) "Finally in Pierre Trudeau Canada has produced a P.M. worthy of assassination." (Irving Layton)

To the tune of Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows"

Everybody knows that he's a poet.
Everybody knows from Montreal.
Everybody knows that they should know it,
If they know Canadian poets at all.
Everybody knows that he's well know-en.
His name is Layton and it isn't Cohen,
As some might suppose. Now everybody knows.

Lisa, I'd take out your garbage anytime!

The quotation exists in several different forms, but basically it says, "How would you like a job where if you make a mistake, a red light goes off and 18,000 people boo?"

To the tune of Stompin' Tom Connors's "The Hockey Song"

In the good ol' hockey game it really is a shame
That the goalie gets the blame, when the D is playing lame.

And in this CBC game, Jacques Plante is the name,
But the real reason I came is the fifteen minutes of fame.

Lisa and Chris urged other singer/guitarists to call in to give me some competition. The next day Karen Greaves (whom I know from highschool days) phoned in with a parody of "Let It Be". I felt it might be time for me to leave the guitar behind and branch out.

The quotation was to do with Canadian women being pretty in their youth, but losing their looks due to (among other things) the "noxious influence of late hours".

To the tune of Richard Pepper(!)'s "In Heaven There'll Only Bae Bagpipes"

In Canada the women were pretty. So said Simon MacGillivray.
In Canada the women are pretty, especially Lisa and M.J.!

Well, that may be what Simon MacGillivray thought, but it was written by Susanna Moodie in Roughing It in the Bush. I just wanted to use the bagpipes -- played by my friend, Leslie Wright, for credit where credit is due.

The pipes were recorded years ago, not played live as I phoned in!! Chris then requested steel drums.

The quotation referred to the speaker's detestation of insurance agents, because they insist that he will die -- which is not so.

To the tune of "Day Oh!"

Come, Mr. Leacock, you are today's answer.
You made lots of fun of our imperfections.
And you gave something else to CBC Radio:
The name "Madly Off in All Directions".

"Lord Ronald said nothing; he flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions." from "Gertrude the Governess" in Nonsense Novels.

I know that's not today's quote; it's just some unsolicited information at no extra charge.

Lisa and Chris then suggested that my last comment is what CBC is all about.

The quotation was (as I recall) "It occurs to me that if I were to sit in a rowboat in the middle of a lake of all the beer I've drunk, I'd never be able to see the shore."

To the tune of "Beer Barrel Polka" (accompanied by a mouth-music drum track, which I recorded)

Okay, this is a bit of stretch, but here goes my [requested] Beat Box Beer Song:

There's a tavern in the town (in the town)
And there Al Purdy sat him down (sat him down)
And he drank his beer and wrote his poetry.
Please, won't you give a prize to me!?

Young, hip Chris was very kind about my middle-aged attempt at Beat Boxing.

And my name was drawn for a prize (a "Canada Reads" book)!

Feb. 12, 2004: to the tune of U2's "All I Want is You"

You say you want an answer with a song in it.
You say you want it in under two minutes,
But all my prizes I would trade
From the contests that I've played,
'Cuz all I want's a cube.

(That's by Me 2 and I offer it to you pro Bono.)

Jolly Old St. Nicholas wasn't just a myth;
He lived in the centuries that came before the fifth.
And, though he looks like a giant elf, when he goes to work, he
Was the Bishop of Myra in what is now called Turkey.

to the tune of Nina's Neun und Neunzig Luftballons.

Thirty years of CBC
Thirty years, commercial free.
We hear stories from Gord O. Ellis.
He catches fish that make us jealous.
Heather McLeod and Gerald Graham:
Words slow down when they    ...    say     ...    'em.*
I like the contests, wild and wacky,
But they're all won by Edward Maki.

* = On air Gerald tends to conclude his paragraphs by pausing between the last few words. For a while, Heather picked up this trait in her delivery as well. In a later message I told them that it would be fair enough in return if they were to make fun of my singing (or my German).

Thursday, Oct. 16, 2003:

Poet, Ron McLean,
Greets a former Leafs goalie.
"Hi, Cujo!" he says.

Thursday, Oct. 23, 2003:

I move in on goal.
My opponent fills the net.
Hey, measure those pads!

Friday, Oct. 24, 2003:

This is a cheap shot:
The Leafs win the Cup again;
Hell freezes over.

Now's the time to say goodbye.
Good bye, Carol.
Now the tears o'erflow our eyes
And fill a barrel.
Bon voyage to you
And that Crimestopper guy, too.
Good bye.

Late last night I heard the caffe door slam.
Little guy ousted by the big guy's plan.
Don't it always go to show
You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?
They've paved The Northwest and put up a donut shop.

[Going down Memorial hopin' that we're gonna see 'im
But they've put Rick in a Three museum.
Don't it always go to show
You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?
They've paved The Northwest and put up a donut shop.]

What they're doin' doesn't seem very sportin'
For a [dead] hockey player named...well, names aren't important.
But donuts are always gonna show around your gut even when they're gone.
They've paved The Northwest and put up a donut shop.
They've paved our paradise and put up yet another donut shop.

This was not an entry for a contest, but local social commentary re. the squeezing out of The Great Northwest Coffee Co. by a donut chain not associated with red-breasted birds.

I didn't sing the lyrics from the complete version, marked with square brackets.

This was my first entry in the World Cup Soccer Name That Country Contest in which the clues each day included the national anthem of the mystery country played on a midi synth. Unfortunately, my first two entries were not aired, because I phoned them in too late in the day. The entries were no longer compiled in the wee hours of the next morning. Someone from CBC was kind enough to phone and inform me of this fact.

When you give a clue in that way that you do, Gian Angaro.
Then I will reply like a bird in the sky -- like a sparrow
That the country you mean is a football machine and, I'll tell ya,
That the green, red and white is the answer that's right. That's Italia!

Well, the answer is Cameroon
And this song will be over soon.

Carter Sakiyama is a little boy who enters most of these CBC contests and usually includes a little tidbit of extra information and closes with "Thank you for taking my call."

Allons, enfants de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrive.
There's nothing I can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing I can win that can't be won.
Nothing I can say that's as cute as Carter Sakiyama.
It's not easy!

All I need is luck. (Mouth brass noises)
All I need is luck. (M.B.N. again)
All I need is luck, luck
And the right answer, which is...France.

I was a little disturbed that so many entrants gave "England" as the answer, quite possibly because of the Beatles' use of "La Marseillaise" as the introduction to "All You Need is Love". Possibly the confusion was enhanced by Sir Paul's use of a combination of "La Marseillaise" and "God Save the Queen" at the Jubilee Party at the Palace.

Dedicated to my friend Tom Dreyer

Mein Hut der hat drei Ecken
Drei Ecken hat mein Hut.
The answer must be Deutschland
Und this song is nicht gutt.

"Ich bin ein Thunder Bayer!", which probably really means "I am a Persian!"

(I haven't checked out all the spelling yet. I offer my apologies in advance for any mistakes.)

If you wanna hang out, you got to take her out. Caffeine!
If you're feelin' down, you gotta get some grounds. Caffeine!
She don't lie. She don't lie. She don't lie. Caffeine!

If you got bad news and you can't afford booze. Caffeine!
When the day is done: a midnight bathroom run. Caffeine!
She don't lie. She don't lie. She don't lie. Caffeine!

If she's says, "I guess so.", buy her an espresso. Caffeine!
If you want to pah-tay, order latte. Caffeine!
She wants chai. She wants chai. She wants chai. Caffeine!
(Followed by "The Sunshine of Your Love" riff for a little Cream with your coffee.)

This entry was part of the Happy Birthday Hockey Night in Canada Contest. I was awarded a HNIC water bottle to go with my bucket hat and CBC fishing lure. (The latter was given to me by Lisa Laco when I dropped in at Robin's Donuts whence "The Great Northwest" was broadcasting in support of the United Way on October 24).

Listenin' to the chatter of Neale and Cole
On Saturday Night, Saturday Night.
Hopin' that the Leafs will finally score a goal
On Saturday Night, Saturday Night.
I-I-I-I just can't wait. I-I-I-I got a date...
(With Ron and Don)
On the good ol' hockey show,
Watching guys make too much dough.
Saturday Night, Saturday Night.
Gonna rock 'em up, sock 'em up.
Hope the cops don't lock 'em up.
Saturday Night, Saturday Night.
It's just a Saturday Night! It's just a Saturday Night!
Another Tie Domi fight on a Saturday Night!
All the big guns are gonna shoot out the lights.
The place'll be rockin' 'cause it's...
Saturday Night!

Saturday: eat my supper from a T.V. tray,
Maple Leafs at home against L.A..
What outrageous thing will Don Cherry say?

Suddenly I have spilled my supper on my knee.
Someone's yelling at the referee.
Oh, I believe it's Tie Domi.

Why'd he have to throw an elbow behind the play?
He's done something wrong. Now he's gone a fine to pay.

Saturday: alone with my T.V. in Thunder Bay.
Ooh, this is my place to hide away.
Oh, Hockey Night, Happy Birthday!

Because Lisa and John were running out of time, they had to speak over the closing riff from McCartney's "Birthday" tacked on to the song.

By the way, that particular Saturday I did not sit alone with my T.V. like the loser persona of the song. I was out watching the Lakehead University Thunderwolves defeat the York Yeomen at the F.W. Gardens.

This is R.P. Pepper of Thunder Bay.
I listen to CBC each day.
Gimme a prize. I am a moocher.
Yesterday's movie was "Back to the Future".
There is a reason that this movie rocks:
A Canadian named Michael J. Fox.
So, Gerald and Jody and Lisa and James,
Can't think of no words to rhyme with your names,
'Cept herald and roadie and see-saw and games
And dames and maims and flames and names.
Oh, I used that one already. Word!

God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son."
Abe said, "I'm busy. I got CBC on.
I'm guessing movie titles and here is a clue."
God said, "I'm gonna need some help from you."
Abe said that Kakabeka Falls is the Cancon.
God said, "Tell me the answer, son."
Abe said, "It must be Highway 61."

Actually, "Pickerel Falls" can't represent Kakabeka Falls very accurately, since it is apparently on or very near to Hwy 61, rather than Hwy 11-17. The locals referring to Thunder Bay as "the big city" is not very convincing either.