Narrator:	Eric Schraml	Andrew James:	Paul Peterson
Aunt Eleanor:	Vanessa Schaaf	Ado Lainie:	Monica Giardetti
Curly Marvellous:	Richard Pepper	Will Punker:	Andy Hallock
Gory the HKG:	Diana Poster	Flirty Scummings:	Izabela Grabowski
Joe Gooch:	Michael Allaway	Orchestra:	Victor Wong
Big Ali Hakimwalter:	James Friesen	Prompter:	Michelle Richards
Chorus:	Laura Norris, Vern Martin, Kay Poster.	David Hall, Eeva Valiharju,	Susan Johnson, Ryan Cooper,

Narr: As you know, Dorion Bible Camp has had in its history and folklore many colourful characters over the years. Let's suppose that many of these folks, whether real or fictitious, were somehow transported to the semi-legendary setting of the Old West: a time when life was wild and rough, when there were no camp policies hindering staff socializing, a time when every counsellor had to live by his gun. What adventures would they have? What unlikely relationships would develop? Just what would the result be? We think the answer can be summed up in the one word title of tonight's musical production: JOKLAHOMA.

(Orchestra: "Joklahoma")

Narr: In our first scene, Aunt Eleanor is sitting peeling potatoes by the kitchen steps. It is the day before the Banquet and the handsome young counsellor, Curly Marvellous, arrives to ask her niece, Gory the Kitchen Girl, to be his date. (Enter Curly singing.)

(Curly inquires about Gory. From backstage Gory throws things, including arrows, at Curly. Aunt E. comments that she is sure that Gory likes Curly. Enter Gory carrying her head.)

Narr: Yes, folks, we forgot to explain that Gory is, in fact, none other but (sic.) the infamous Headless Kitchen Girl.

(Gory snubs Curly and exits with her "nose" in the air.)

Narr: Gory is so appalled at the way Curly has teased her that, in spite of herself, she agrees to go to the Banquet with Joe, the scary handyman.

Narr: In our next scene Will Punker, the typical young Joboy, has returned from a trip to the bustling metropolis of Manitouwadge. He gathers a crowd to tell them of what he observed there.

(Exit Curly. Will then shows the crowd the "Small Wonder"-a kaleidoscope. They are much impressed by the "pretty patterns" they see. Exeunt omnes. Enter Gory and Ado Lainie.)

Narr: Will Punker's special friend, Ado Lainie, does not realize yet that he is back in camp. Will and Lainie have a bewildering relationship. Lainie has little time for Will, as she always running off with any guy who offers her work. Here she explains her problem to Gory:

(Lainie explains how she and Ali have so much fun working together.)

Narr: Big Ali also sells items in order to raise money for his mission. In order to help her decide between Curly and Joe, Gory buys a bottle of aftershave, which he calls the "Elixir of Ear Falls", claiming it helps people with decisions.

(Enter Ali who, speaking with a German accent, sells the Elixir. Gory wants to know what "Eau de Sweathog" means. Ali says that it is Ear Fallsian for "satisfaction guaranteed". Exit Gory with the Elixir. Enter Andrew with rifle.)

Narr: Now we meet the Camp Director, Andrew James, who has been trying for years to get Ado Lainie married off.

(Lainie introduces Ali, saying that he calls her his "little slave girl". That's good enough for a proposal for Andrew, who menaces Ali with his rifle. Exeunt omnes.)

Narr: In an attempt to make Gory jealous, Curly asks another kitchen girl, Flirty Scummings, and brings her by to flaunt in front of Gory.

(Gory is sitting by the steps, preparing her hamper with Aunt Eleanor. Enter Curly and Flirty. Curly tells the punch line of a joke and Flirty laughs like a horse. Curly thinks he hears his horse, Oola. Gory and Flirty confront each other. Aunt Eleanor steers Flirty off into the kitchen.)

Narr: Alone at last, Curly and Gory discuss the rumours the campers have been spreading about the two of them. In a classic duet, they come up with a list of rules designed to end the gossip.

(Curly kisses the lips on Gory's "head" behind a censored sign.)

Narr: Despite this tender encounter, Gory still plans to go to the Banquet with Joe mainly out of fear of him. Curly leaves in a jealous huff, heading down to Joe's dingy little room to have a talk with him. (Set change)

Narr: In this scene Curly tries to convince Joe he would be better off dead, since at least then people would say nice things about him at his funeral. The two of then imagine together what it would be like.

Narr: However, this amiable little conversation soon erupts into an argument over Gory, and Curly leaves with a plan hatching in his mind. Big Ali Hakimwalter arrives and tries to sell Joe some cards.

Ali: I see by your wall decorations that you might be interested in these. (Shows cards.)

Joe: No, I'm sick of wall maps and prayer cards. I want a real Mission! However, there is something else I would be interested in.

(Explains how the Small Wonder can be set to leave a black ring around the eye of the viewer. Big Ali is shocked. No, he doesn't have one, so Joe kicks him out.)

Narr: In her state of indecision, Gory sniffs the Elixir of Ear Falls and has a bizarre dream. (In a ridiculous ballet style Gory and Curly dance together. Joe tries to take Gory. Curly tries to prevent him and gets hit by Joe in the head with a pillow.)

When Gory awakes, she is more or less forced to go with Joe, despite her dream's ominous forebodings. There will now be a ten second intermission.

Narr: The night of the Banquet has arrived and everyone celebrates the great unity they feel together at Camp.

(Pillowfight breaks out.)

Narr: Once the pillowfight is over, the bidding begins. In the Old West the tradition was to have each girl prepare a hamper of marshmallows and other treats. The boy who bid the highest on a girl's hamper would get to sit with her at the campfire and roast her marshmallows.

Andrew: And why was this done, you may ask. I dunno, but it's a tradition. ("Fiddler" music and the cast begins a Jewish dance.)

Narr: (ad lib.) Wait, guys! You've got the wrong play. This is Joklahoma.

Narr: To make a long and pointless story short, Joe and Curly go head to head over Gory. Joe is prepared to part with all the money he earned ever several months as a bush worker--all forty-three dollars and twenty seven cents. Curly, on the other hand, sells his most precious possessions: his sunglasses, his khaki shorts and--even-- his camera, and so outbids Joe. Meanwhile, Big Ali Hakimwalter has bought back from Will Punker all the junk he sold him, so that Will now has the fifty dollar down payment on Ado Lainie required by Andrew James. Thus Big Ali is free, to go his way. Will also threw in the Small Wonder as part of the deal. This has now ended up in Joe's hands.

Joe: Say, Curly, no hard feelings, I hope. I got a little something to show you over here.

(Takes Curly aside and prepares to give him the Small Wonder. Ali warns Aunt Eleanor who stops Curly from looking into it. Joe exits with it angrily. Curly and Gory get together, Curly on his knees.)

Curly: Gory, I got something to ask you. Would you ... would you ... would you go steady with me? I'll jest die if you don't.

Gory: Gracious, what would I want to do that fur?

Curly: Can you think of a reason why not?

Gory: I reckon I cain't, so...yes. (Ecstasy. Another "censored" kiss.)

Curly: Naw, what did you go to the Banquet with Joe fur, anyway?

Gory: I guess I jest lost my head. (Exeunt both.)

Narr: Meanwhile, Ado Lainie is telling Big Ali Hakimwalter that she is going to marry Will now that he has the fifty dollars.

(Big Ali is pretending to be heartbroken and gives her a quick hug-"A German Goodbye"-and another one. Enter Will who catches them. Lainie explains. Will: "Oh yeah. Well, that's nothing compared to a Joklahoma Hello--grabs her hand and kisses his own. Lainie is overwhelmed. Exeunt omnes.)

Narr: The weekend arrives and Curly and Gory are preparing to go to Nipigon for ice-cream, when who should show up with no good in mind but Joe Gooch?

(Joe goes after Curly with a pillow, but Curly grabs it and belts Joe in the head. Joe goes down. The pillow is revealed to contain (cardboard) horseshoes. Curly is accused of cheating: hitting in the head. Andrew is hesitant to "try the case" out of his office, but the crowd persuades him. He asks for Curly's plea. Curly explains how Joe was jealous over Gory.)

Andrew: So it was over a girl. That's a good enough reason. It is my judgement, therefore, to find you...

Crowd: Not guilty!

Narr: Thus Curly Marvellous and Gory the Headless Kitchen Girl are free to enjoy a romantic evening at the Nipigon drive-inn eating ice cream and watching the bug zapper. As they prepare to drive off in the camp truck., the campers and staff all join in chorus:

(They all act so.)