"Kitchen Trek:
The Next Degeneration"

Saturday, October 10, Thanksgiving Camp, 1987

by Shawn Friesen and Richard Pepper


(Done like a puppet show behind a table, using kitchen implements as spaceships etc..)

Since our Detroit stations haven't picked up the new Star Trek show, we can only speculate about their nature, based on fragments of information from Entertainment Tonight.

This much we know: due to some time warp or parallel universe or something, the characters are based an people from Camp.

(Enter new new Enterprise. Music.)

Introduction of characters:(marshmallow people on cakeholder bridge)
Captain James
Yeoman Charlotte (out of sight down below in kitchen)
First Officer Mr. ELK (changed partway through to Kalnbacchh-a Klingon)
Weapons Officer: Shawn Friesen
Navigation: Richard Pepper---(That's why we're "Lost in Kitchen")
Dr. Friesen (James)
Peter James
Engineering: Joe Gandier (taken out of engine with fork)
Security: Gord Sakiyama

Oops, we forgot Communications: Jody Tauro in a miniskirt. (Peter gets turned into Jody.)

For some reason or other the Enterprise has to send down a landing party to be led by the captain. (He always goes on dangerous missions.) He will be accompanied by his First Officer, Security Officer Sakiyama (guess who's going to get it), Dr. Friesen and Shawn. Joe is given the con and is taken out of Engineering with the fork again. The captain and Kalnbacchh debate the danger of the mission:

Captain (Shawn): This is a very dangerous mission. Someone could get killed etc..
Kaln. (Richard): Well, Captain, that's just a whisk you'll have to take. (Holds out whisk).*

The landing party beams down (with sugar) and it's "Godzilla Meets Gord". (RP's hand stomps Gord. Ketchup is added.) Godzilla eats Gord. (Eaagh!)

Since the Klingon Empire and the Federation have joined forces to take over the universe and split the take, there are no Klingons to fight. Instead., Energy Beings capture the landing party, rip off their arms, legs and necks (matchsticks) and throw them into their torture chamber (food processor).** More marshmallows and ketchup are added and the results are beamed back to the ship, demonstrating that the new show just isn't going to last. You can never outdo the original show.

A line we should have used years ago in our original "Kitchenwares":

May the Fork be with you.*

*Actually, these two puns were forgotten and were added later at snacktime before anyone was allowed to eat.

** When Shawn discovered that his marshmallowman was to be processed, he switched it with Richard's.

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Last Update: Sept. 3, 2007

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