| Sister Megan: | Megan Whitfield |
| Kitchen Mother Superior: | Franki Jensen |
| Kitchen Sisters: | Jean Wilson |
| Jeannie Hogarth Leslie Hatfield | |
| Amanda James: | Amanda James |
| Mark James: | Mark James |
| Amy James: | Amy James |
| Sara James: | Julie Wowk |
| David James: | Dan Fugelsang |
| Jonathan James: | Michelle Fugelsang |
| Peter James: | doll |
| Captain Big Al Von Trapped: | Allan Drinkwalter |
| Evil American Officer: | Richard Pepper |
| Evil American Soldier: | Jaye Irwin |
| MC: | Bruno Desilet |
(Enter Megan, singing and dancing around.)
|
The cabins are alive with the sound of pillow fights, With fights we have held for the past three weeks. Head counsellors scream when the kids are rowdy, While the pillows rip and the campers shriek. My heart wants to beat on the campers like an iron wrecking ball, To yell through the night like a coyote's mating* call. I go to the field when I'm feeling violent. I know I will see kids fly out the door. My heart will be blessed by the sound of pillow fights. And I'll scream once more. |
* = (or "hunting")
(The Kitchen. Kitchen Mother Superior leads the Kitchen sisters in chanting "Thank God for Dirty Dishes". She chants one line and the sisters respond with the next. Then they discuss how Megan is late again for setting as usual. They sing):
|
How do you solve a problem like Megan? How do you get the girl to do her job? How can she be nice to all the campers? How do you stop her being a snob?
There's many a thing that we would like to tell her. |
(Megan rushes in and is told to have a private interview with Kitchen Mother Superior. Megan tells her she feels she doesn't measure up. KMS sings):
|
Climb up the stepladder. Stack every cup. Wash all the dishes Till your hands dry up. |
(Megan still feels unfit to be a Kitchen Sister. KMS suggests she go to see the Director at his house.)
( Megan arrives, suitcase in hand, at the James house. The James kids pour out the door and inform her that Char has died of arrow wounds and Andy has gone to Pakistan leaving them in the care of Captain Big Al Von Trapped. They are very bouncy and rowdy and Megan tells them that they can't keep on being so energetic and happy. She sings):
|
Raindrops on windows and dishes for wipin', Campers are rowdy and counsellors are gripin' Head counsellors yelling and wasps that will sting. These are a few of my least favourite things.
When the sun shines, when the water's warm, |
(By this time the kids are in tears. Enter Captn B.A.V.T.. Love at first sight. CBAVT dismisses the kids, "Go play on the highway." He takes Megan's hand and kneels.)
CBAVT: I want you to marry me.
Megan: I know.
MC: So Captain Big Al Von Trapped and Megan were united in holy matrimony. The ceremony was held in the Camp Chapel, followed by a stand up reception downstairs, consisting of coffee. The couple left for Mobert on their honeymoon, chauffeured by Eugene Marigold and the guests joined in an all-Camp pillowfight. While they were away, the Camp was invaded and conquered by foreign forces. When Big Al and Megan returned, Camp life was very different.
(CBAVT is seated, surrounded by his "family". He is reading a letter which arrived in an envelope decorated with the stars and stripes. It is a commission from the Americans to paint the dining hall red, white and blue. Repulsed by such and idea, CBAVT resolves to escape from camp with his family.
They get their luggage, but are met by the Evil Americans: "Achtung, y'all." CBAVT tells them they are going to Variety Night and the luggage is their costumes. The Americans express surprise at the idea of CBAVT singing in the show and tell him they will escort them there. Exeunt omnes.)
(Variety Night. The Von Trapped Family singers sing):
|
Do--rion, a place to camp. Ray-- the Dark Director's gun. Me-- the first 2 letters of her(my) name. Far- a midnight bathroom run. Sow-- the Gospel while there's time. La-- is "there" in French, you know. Tea-- will coat your teeth with slime. And that brings us back to Dorion. (Repeat) |
(The kids and Megan leave. CBAVT sings, with the audience joining in, to the dismay of the Americans. The words are held up by the MC.)
|
Mayflies, Mayflies, every morning you greet me. Small and light, crisp and bright. In my porridge I eat thee. As I walk through the fields you cling, cling to my body. Mayflies, Mayflies, mess our camp forever. |
(Exit CBAVT. The MC announces the show's winners, third to first using acts from the real show: Tim Krause Juggler and "Kitchen Wares". The winner is the Von Trapped Family Singers. After announcing them three times, it becomes clear that they have escaped. The Americans rush out to chase them.)
(The kitchen. The Family are hiding behind plates. KMS won't let the Americans, who have arrived driving their "Datsun: Capacity 23" - "Bossy" in reality, into the kitchen claiming it is sanctuary. The Americans burst in and, while they are searching unsuccessfully, the sisters drain "Bossy". When the Americans have their backs turned, the Family rushes out. The Americans attempt to give chase, but cannot start their Datsun. The sisters approach KMS: "KMS, we have sinned." "What is your sin?" They hold out a bucket full of Bossy scum.)
MC: So the Family Von Trapped escaped through Pass Lake to Thunder Bay. When the Americans were finally overcome by Allied Forces, they returned and embarked on a career as a singing family, touring the world, stopping at such exotic places as Paris, London, Moscow and Mobert, accompanied by their agent, Eugene Marigold.
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